"Challenging Really Popular Celebrities To Fights" Part 1

Hey, Bill Murray, you fucking asshole,

I hope this doesn't get "Lost In Translation", but I want to fight you. I don't like you or that show you had on Comedy Central where you and your less famous brothers played golf. It was a terrible show. You may have been the main character in the popular movie "Scrooged", but soon you're going to be the main character in the unpopular (for you) real-life scenario, "Punched", because I plan on punching you in your instantly recognizble face. What about that, Mr. "What About Bob"? Your popularity may span the past 30 years, with fans of all ages and a long list of very funny movies, but that's not going to stop me from bashing your head into a bike rack (oh, we're gonna be fighting in a parking lot. I forgot to mention that.) Much like how you were the voice of Garfield in the Garfield films, I'm going to be the voice of pain that you won't even be able to hear, because your ears will be swollen shut from a thunderous series of haymakers.

While I'm viciously assaulting you, you're going to be hoping for me to have a "Quick Change" of heart, but you'll soon learn that a tiger doesn't change his "Stripes", because I will not relent. You'll wish that the paramedics "Rushmore" to the scene of the beating, but you can bet your "Meatballs", that they won't want to see the "(brief but hilarious part in) Little Shop of Horrors" I unleashed upon your pummeled body with my "Ghostbusters 1 & 2", (which are my nicknames for my fists), my "The Royal Tennenbaums" (which is what I call my elbows), or my "Not Ready For Primetime Players During the Brilliant Early Years of Saturday Night Live" (my feet). "Owwww, "The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou", you'll manage to gurgle out from your coagulated blood covered mouth, " I guess I really was "The Man Who Knew Too Little." You'll say that before collapsing to the ground, like how "Broken Flowers" might collapse to the ground because of their unsteady base. You'll probably hope that it won't be like the plot of one of my all time favorite movies of yours, "Groundhog Day" and you won't have to repeatedly experience this kind of intense thrashing every single day of your life until you have an important change of heart. Not even "Charlie's Angels" will save you! (Good call on stepping out of the sequel to that piece of shit, btw. Dodged a bullet there.) As a matter of fact, it'll be such a"Caddyshack" of "The Darjeeling Limited", not even "Osmosis Jones" will "Kingpin" "Where the Buffalo Roam" "Coffee and Cigarettes" "Tootsie" and "City of Ember".

You douchebag.

Hey, Murray, remember when you were in "Space Jam" and you played Michael Jordan's friend? Well, don't expect me to be at all similar to that character when it comes to my friendship to you, because we're not friends, capiche? You may easily be one of the most popular SNL cast members ever, with incredible longevity and influence on a whole generation of comedic actors, but that doesn't mean I'm not looking to punch you in the solar plexis with brass knuckles or throw your unconcious body down a flight of stairs. I can't wait to kick your teeth in, Bill Murray, you hilarious man.
See you then,
Andy*



* Just to avoid the incredibly slim chance of any potential legal ramifications, I'm not really looking to fight or assault Bill Murray. He's hilarious.