Had They Never Died

Many of our favorite celebrities have died young, leaving us to wonder what could have been. Using my hitherto unknown paranormal psychic abilities, I will now shed some light on what would have been for those famous dead people that left us too soon (instead of lingering around so we could grow tired of them and wish they would just go away).

John Candy(1950-1994)-Sensing that his movie career was stalling a bit after the failure of "Wagons East" at the box office, John Candy probably would have made his long-awaited leap to sitcoms. The show would have been called "Kid In A Candy Store" and would have been a key part of the ABC 1994 fall line-up. In "Kid In A Candy Store", John Candy would play "John Candy", a working class stiff from Chicago who, in the pilot episode (entitled "Much Ado About Bluffin''"), wins big in a high stakes card game, quits his job at an auto parts factory, and moves to Hollywood in order to find fame, fortune, and romance. Making the journey with John would be his slow-witted but lovable co-worker from the factory, "Tommy" (played by Christopher Lloyd) and his wiseacre 13-year old orphaned nephew, "Gus" (played by some kid). Candy soon finds out that life in Hollywood is a far cry from the Windy City, even though he's now trying harder not to get blown away!! With all the beautiful women, fast cars, big movie studios and overall temptation that Tinsel Town has to offer, John Candy soon finds out that he is just like a "Kid In A Candy Store"!
"Kid In A Candy Store" would last for one season before getting axed. The show started strong, debuting in the Nielson Top 20, but lost viewers week by week as word of the shows mediocrity spread. Even the addition of Sandy Duncan as Candy's new girlfriend, "Bernice" and an animated dog named "Larry" did nothing to boost ratings. Rumors of it returning as a mid-season replacement would turn out to be just that: rumors. Many attributed it's cancellation to lack of viewers caused by poor writing , while Candy would publically blame "the Frasier juggarnaut" (the show "Kid" was up against in the same time slot) and "that fag Iger" (Robert Iger, the then president of ABC Television) for the low ratings in a controversial interview in Variety Magazine.
He would then return to the silver screen and make 10 more "Uncle Buck" movies, making it the highest grossing movie franchise ever.


...and that's what would have happened had John Candy never died.